Anyone who has mentored teens or raised children knows the difficulties that come from balancing adult problems and feelings with raising kids. We somehow have this notion that when we are at our worst, our negative feelings will hurt our children. We, in a way, are trying to protect our kids from the reality that life is hard. This, in turn, cements this concept that life is not made for struggle and that the only feelings and results we should acknowledge are those that work in our favor.

I am by no means saying that adults should share all of their stress and burdens with their children. However, there can be powerful lessons for our children to glean when we simply acknowledge our humanity for their benefit.

Let them see you fail. The cornerstone of resilience and grit is failure. Let your kids see you mess up and get back up. They need to know that life isn’t always fair, doesn’t always work out, and is filled with challenges. Demonstrating how to handle failure with healthy responses such as focusing on what you can control, taking time to calm down, and trying other solutions is extremely powerful.

Let them see you cry. You are a human. You have feelings. You can process them without shame and let your children see the benefits that can come from actually acknowledging when you are overwhelmed and need a good cry. Everyone is different; some people excuse themselves to be alone, and others want a good bear hug. Either way, show your kids that you need a moment to release your hurt and that you appreciate their love and understanding.

Let them see you care for yourself. Whether it is a hot bath, a good book, or time with friends, our kids need to know that we must take care of ourselves so we can be better parents. Preserve time for exercise or projects. You can even point out the ways you are taking care of your mind, body, and spirit so they have examples to consider for themselves. The next thing you know, they are joining you on walks, doing yoga alongside you, and taking ridiculously long bubble baths.

Let them see you dream. My kids know my passion is writing and speaking. They read my posts and watched me when I attempted my first podcast. They know I am not dreaming of being the next influencer; they just see me following a calling and moving towards a goal. Whether you’re rebuilding a car, rehabbing a new home, or starting up a small business, let them see the power that comes from believing in yourself.

Let them see you pray. Let them see you rely on something bigger than yourself. Whether that is through meditation or prayer, don’t be afraid to get on your knees. Call them to sit with you in silence, practicing gratitude and letting go of struggles. This is planting seeds of faith that they can grow and access throughout their journey by learning to gain clarity from within. A little over a year ago, I was in a car accident on the way to my mom receiving her last rites. That night, I was a sobbing mess. My daughter quietly approached me and handed me a note that read, “If He brought you to it, He can get you through it.” I still have that little piece of paper, and I remind myself that prayer or honor in a higher being is a practice of healing and, at that moment, my daughter knew that was what I needed.

Let them see you learn. Kids grow up thinking adults are supposed to have all the answers. Well, you know and I know that is not near the truth. I am unafraid to say “I don’t know” and find the answer. In fact, just yesterday I stopped mid-sentence with my son and said, “You know buddy, I’m not exactly sure I’m correct, and I would hate to tell you wrong, so let me get back to you after I do some reading.” I would rather my kids see me as someone who seeks to learn than pretend to be right.

Let them see you sacrifice. Catholic guilt is a thing, and many Catholic grandparents and parents know a thing or two about playing the martyr card to get what they want. Though an effective tradition, we don’t have to be martyrs for our children to see the importance of sacrifice. Instead, key them in on decisions you feel are important, even if they are not the easy choice. Let them see the power of giving up what is easy to stay in alignment with your values. Spend time with the sick, volunteer when you can, or give up scrolling on your phone to play a game of pickleball (even though Mom dreads it). Sacrifices are big and small and can have lasting impacts on the choices your children will make in the future. It will be a part of their roadmap to identifying what is important.

Let them see you love. The exclusion of others is taught, plain and simple. Judgment and bias come from the people around us and become ingrained in our thoughts and opinions. Revenge and maliciousness are responses that can shape the expectations we have for how our kids should treat others. Let your kids see you treat others with respect, even if they don’t act like they deserve it. Let them see you forgive and consider other perspectives. Let them see you show compassion and empathy towards loved ones and strangers. Let them see you process humanity from a belief that all people are perfectly imperfect, including ourselves, so the best thing we can do is choose love.

From the time kids can walk and talk, they want to act like adults. They want to pretend to talk on the phone, carry around baby dolls, or drive a car. If they are going to emulate us, let them see the best side of who we are and the messiness it includes. Let them see the imperfections and the ingredients it takes to be a better person tomorrow than the person they are today.