I wish I could have a redo on parts of my life. As the good old saying goes, if I had only known then what I know now, boy, I would have done things differently! I think about all the times I was impulsive, destructive, and shortsighted.

Finding the concept of mindfulness in my late thirties was like someone walking into a dark room and flipping on a switch, illuminating my lack of foresight and ignorance. It was getting hit across the face with a real dose of “you’ve got it all wrong,” paired with dozens of more questions to make sense of my new findings.

I will save you all from my ramblings about the misconceptions that mindfulness is just breathing, yoga, etc. I’m going to cut down my understanding to one concept that could help you digest life with a different approach. In fact, I can wrap it up in one beautiful word: space.

What is the space between you learning of your problems and your reaction? What is the space between that negative, swirling thought and the feeling of defeat that follows? What is the space you allow yourself to understand a problem before you figure out what comes next?

I used to think it was hours at a minimum. I was the idiot who thought if I ruminated over my worries, I was accomplishing something. I actually believed I was figuring things out as I wallowed in my insecurity and the injustices I thought I was facing. I have since come to find out I was giving myself zero seconds to digest my problems. I was in reactive mode all day, every day. I gave my emotions the keys and thought I was driving.

To understand space, we must start with our difficulties, problems, or tribulations. Life is a moment seen through a million perspectives. Whatever glasses you choose to wear will show you the reality you believe exists. You witness this play out every day. A situation occurs, and everyone in the room has different recollections, impressions, and conclusions. This tells me that we control the message of every event that occurs in our world. We literally dictate our story as it unfolds before us.

Why is this powerful?

You are so powerful that you can be your savior or your persecutor. In fact, oftentimes your perspective and therefore emotions are the cause of the problems you carry every day. Space requires that we see our problems separate from our emotional responses or reactions. A problem contains a solution; emotional dysregulation builds a mindset. One is flexible, and the other begins to solidify portions of our personality or temperament.

An emotion seldom, if ever, changes your conditions. This does not mean when life gets tough you are not going to be angry, anxious, overwhelmed, or afraid. It means that once you feel that emotion, or (if you have been working at this for a while) right after something negative happens, you create a space. This is a space to be curious and get more information. This is a space to consider a variety of lenses or perspectives. This is a space to remain true to yourself before the potential of mental hijacking occurs.

Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl, who was a psychologist and philosopher, states, “Man does not simply exist, but always decides what his existence will be, what he will become the next moment.” Give yourself the power to be seated in the one thing we can always control: our choices, which include how we choose to perceive or frame the conditions we face. Provide yourself the space to make those choices serve you and align with the person you desire to be.

The next time you hear or witness something that upsets you or troubles you, be your own best friend and think SPACE. Like the spaces between words that lead to a complete sentence, allow yourself the grace of considering problems without judgment so you can refrain from perspectives that disempower and wreak havoc on your well-being.

There is not much we can control in this world, but isn’t it amazing to think we can control how we see this world, and that is something absolutely no one can take from you? All you need to do is find the right pair of glasses!