Drama…f’ing drama. Anyone trying to assist a pre-teen daughter through the social dynamics of adolescence understands the fatigue that comes from dealing with drama. There is not enough wine in the world friends.

Being that I am at the stage in my life where I am not only teaching adolescent children, but raising them as well, I started reflecting on the concept of drama. It is befuddling to me why humans are so compelled to relish in it and the self-inflicting damage it can cause.

We are taught at a young age that we should be honest and not speak ill of others. We should mind our business and keep our emotions in check. Then we enter our social world of preschool or kindergarten and for some reason we can’t help but, almost instinctually, whisper to our seat partner about the girl eating glue at the table next to us or the boy picking his nose behind us. Before we realize it, shared giggles and quiet quips become the very foundation we rely on to build our friendships.

The evolution of our social understanding begins with gossip as a social currency for which heroes can be made and villains can meet their justice. It seems even as a mere child, we are born to believe we are ready for the role of judge and jury in this world.

However, as we evolve and age, we begin to have an antithetical relationship with drama. We know we should avoid it, but we gravitate towards it. We tell ourselves we hate it, but we live for it. We speak on how it drains us, but it instantly jolts us into attention. We don’t want to be involved in or the topic of the drama, but we are sure to share opinions, quotes, and take sides in the midst of it.

We quickly learn that when we get too close to drama, we can find ourselves hurt and wounded from lies, insults, or judgment.  We become the butt of jokes or victims of isolation.  Yet even when we are brought to our knees from getting caught in the wake of its storm, we feel compelled to trust it once again. We convince ourselves that the solutions to problems start with reactions that, in the end, just breed more drama.

We do this because drama is a useful tool designed to appease the ego. It is an instrument for gaining validation in life by seeking agreement with others on what is considered right and what is considered wrong. The more people who consider us right, the better we feel. Drama gives us a tribe in which we feel we can thrive.

Yet, we fail to acknowledge that drama is just an embellished fiction we use to entertain ourselves. It is the same reason we binge watch Netflix, we love a good story. It is a lie we invest in to either distract us, empower us, or embolden us. It is a self-righteous campaign that breaks down insecurities to replace them with false narratives. It becomes the diet you crave to make sense of who you think you are.

Drama is a part of life; it has been since the beginning of time. Our challenge is to recognize it, acknowledge the role we play in it, and the impact we allow it to have on our values. Just remember, the less we feed the monster of concocted stories at another’s expense, the more room we leave for the story we create for ourselves in what we do, say, and believe.