We all have different definitions of what age means to us.  Some believe 50 years old is just beginning and others believe that 50 is half over.  It doesn’t matter how you look at your glass, half empty or half full, the older you get the more you reflect on the gap between what you wanted from life and what you have you achieved. The journey of attaining your dreams has been an illuminating force in your life, a disparaging chase into darkness, or a complicated medley of both.  

As someone who is getting acquainted with the middle of my life, I have witnessed and experienced the temptation to spend my reflection time mourning my “haves”.  Your “haves” are the rear-facing, dynamic trio known as could have, should have, and would have, which lay a stark contrast to the action centered forms of can, shall, and will.  

“Could have” translates into the belief that you could have been more if all your excuses didn’t exist.  “Should have” induces shame for not doing better because in your heart you knew better or expected more.  “Would have” means you would have done something different if you just would have had the security of knowing how everything would have turned out, which is a crutch of ignorance and presumptiveness.

Our “haves” can distract us and sedate us into paralyzing, unproductive thoughts.  They send us looking for a reprieve that is merely a seduction into comfort.  If not careful we are lured into an “autopilot” phase of life.  The part of life where our story goes from unwritten to a cemented tale filled with the terms could have, should have, and would have.           

What does setting your sights on the past yield you?  What parts of your story are yet to be unlocked if you look forward to what can, shall, and will be?  Ditch the shame, worry, regret, and remorse that comes from asking questions laced with “haves” and instead ask yourself “What is next?”  Not a decade down the road, but the next moment of your life.   How do you want to spend the next moment of your life?  

When we consider what is next , we not only see our journey moving forward, but we also give power to our past as it fuels the direction of what we do in the now.  As opposed to a plateau of finality, you become a source of possibility.  Stop distracting yourself with the pressure of self-constructed timelines, unmet expectations, and get out of your own way.

Journeys are always arduous, so why did you expect your life to be without struggle?  Don’t you dare discard the hurt, trauma, or disappointment you have stored within.  Those trepidations are meant to be turned into fuel for what is next.  Your capabilities and light are an imprint that the universe has entrusted to you.  Your maker believed in you before you could grasp the idea that you were someone worth believing in. That belief doesn’t not come with an expiration date.  Your light and power are always available to you.  It is just a matter of when you are strong enough, brave enough, or ready to access your unique superpower.  

We are always tempted into courting and giving power to our “haves”, but we must part with that ache and place our power into what is next.  When we grieve our missteps, mistakes, failures, and missed opportunities we can let go and make space for new life.  This life will begin to give light to our spirit and direct our feet towards our next step.   Our hearts will recirculate with hope, opening our eyes to possibility.  Our faith will be restored and granted freedom from the shackles of fear.  

Whether we are just beginning to explore what this life has to offer or we are packing up for retirement with more questions than answers, we always have the gift of what is next available to us.  Even our last breath calls us to stay in the faith of what is next.    We are all strong enough to look boldly ahead and say, “Fuck what could have, should have, or would have been.  I am stepping into what is next.”

So friend, what is your next? No matter where that step takes you, I wish you blessings on your journey.